Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Why this Way?
So here is a question. Is there another way? The word which continually comes to the forefront of my life is forgiveness. Miroslov Volf in his book, "Free of Charge" says that forgiveness must be social. 'Forgiveness can not be an inward thought which we have with God, but must be an outward act towards reconciliation with another person, either who had wronged us or whom we have wronged'. What I have noticed is that to be able to do that is extremely difficult. So as I was thinking about that issue today, I said to myself, "Is there another way?" What I thought of next was Jesus asking his Father, "Is there another way?" before going to the Cross. Forgiveness is the a dynamic aspect of the cross, which we miss sometimes in our theology. It is not just forgiveness so that we can be "right with God," but it causes us pain to have to sometimes "bear someone else's burden", so that they can be free to know God in a deeper way. What? We can free someone else through forgiveness? I know, it seems crazy, but this is why forgiveness must be social. In making forgiveness social, Jesus condemned the injustice which he suffered, while freeing humans from the bondage of unforgiveness, which destroys the whole person. The social attitude of forgiveness confronts the 'evil' done against a person also. Many women have heard it said that they need to "forgive their husbands for beating them!" While I would never say that forgiveness is not necessary for healing, if the forgiveness is social, then I am exposing the injustice or evil committed against me. This is why it is important that forgiveness is not simply an inner choice I make, "just between me and God", which contradicts scripture. I have also noticed that when I have not forgiven, I become cold, i.e. indifferent to relationships, so that even if I offend or am offended, it doesn't bother me. That actually is a sign that we are not truly feeling anymore. I know this is "touchy, feely" stuff, but it has enabled me to bear the pain of life, not run or hide from it, which transforms lives.
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4 comments:
Forgiveness has always felt like something that I am supposes to do (As if I can force myself to forgive.) Usually this has meant ignoring the harm done to me (as you highlighted related to many cases of domestic abuse). Forgiveness is hard, because it first entails telling the truth about harm done, to ourselves and to the other person.
But of course our truth telling needs to be truthful, which is not easy because in trying to express the dept of our pain it is easy to exaggerate (or minimize) the harm done to us. We might embellish on what the person did to us if it doesn't seem that our experience is being fully understood. Or we may say, oh no, its no big deal. Either way we are not being very truthful and in both situation we end up doing harm to the person who has harmed us.
Certainly this is only one piece of the hard process of forgiveness, which leads me to conclude that forgiveness is not something that can be easily or immediately given. A lot of hard work needs to be done, but in the end if forgiveness and reconciliation happens it will be a gift of God, not something we have manufactured.
paul pace... this is good stuff. It seems like it is simultaneously the inward way and the social way of forgiveness that sets people free.
your favorite person from 327.
The last thing that you said, "if forgiveness and reconciliation happen it will be a gift of God, not something we manufacture." That is so true, something that I didn't say anything about.
I just read a quote by Corrie Ten Boom, who as we know hid Jews during WWII. She said, "and so I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world's healing hinges, but on God's..."
When forgiveness is social, we are giving a gift of God's grace to another, giving an invitation to let God heal. One of the painful parts could be that the other person will not acknowledge the hurt or pain that was caused. Of course we in the whole situation are also usually not completely innocent. Our actions could inadvertently caused someone to offend us, so the reconciliation needs to happen by our acknowledging our own human weakness, but it will never happen if it is not spoken, one to another.
I often do what Tim and Maija mentioned, (oh no, it's no big deal) when really it is causing frustration and anger inside. I think our culture also tells us, "Just get over it, we all have problems." Maybe if we actually talked to one another about those problems, they would lessen. Just a thought. Thanks
I published the same time Charlie from 327 published. Ya, the inward and outward I think are simultaneous. They could happen at the same time or one before the other, but as one happens the other should follow. I could resolve the situation internally, which sometimes may be better, because I would be clearer in my thoughts to then express it in conversation, instead of "just venting" to another person. Thanks Charlie.
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